If You Won’t Step In, Step Off

It’s funny to me how people that haven’t been through you troubles. Can judge you, and even come so far as to tell you how you should live you life and what they think, you should do. Then when are being made aware of what your going through. There next voice is well don’t tell me about it. Because I am going through way to much myself, to be able to deal with or help you with your issues and problems.

Moral Of This Story:

If you have no intention of helping. Being there for someone. Keep your mouth shut. Simple. I give people a simple test.

1. Leave me Alone
2. Pay me $200 for me to sit and listen to your opinions on my life, whatever else you may have to say to me for 1 hours.
3. Or shut the hell up!

I have had so many people judging me. Telling me what I should do. Everyone had an opinion about my life. But no one is holding out, money, a listening ear, support. That was the #1 thing I couldn’t stand  people when I had lose self esteem and they wanted the right to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be eating. How I should exercise. What ” I ” needed to do. One day, in silence, my mind began to roll. Inside for once I got to thinking.

1. Are you going to purchase me fresh vegetables, fruits and all that I need in order for me to lose this weight?

2. Are you purchasing the tredclimber, and weights or 1 Year Access to the pool at my local gym and getting me back and forth there at least three times per week so I could get a really good workout in?

The answer to everything is always NO! People want to sit back on their soap box, running there mouths about what can and can’t do. What you should do. They want the job to dictate and try and control you, but helping the situation, they want no parts of that. My answer to it, is mind your own business.

I have helped people in the past when I seen in them in a bad situation, I’ve even had some people help me. But never the one’s that sit in judgment minding everyone’s business but there own. They just use there tongue with there A** not showing any actions.

If your not ready to set in step off!


Naked Christian Camgirl That Masturbates On Camera, Take Me Or Leave Me

I had a guy contact me today and say to me. Hey! I thought this was a sex blog. Your a camgirl. You masturbate on camera. Do phone sex. Sell sex videos. So why is all of this talk about God here? About you personal life. Struggles. Who’s cock is going to get hard to this. You must be, and are going to lose alot of  business with this.

Here’s My Answer:

Anyone that doesn’t like God, you may leave here from my website at any point in time. Yes. I am sorry if anyone feels like I should have told you before you began getting freaky off of my work. That I was a Christian Woman of God.

But, what, were you under the impression that even sex worker, camgirl, pornstar, or hip hop artist, all had to be heathens with no, wisdom, knowledge or understanding of the word of God?

Umm, you know what I guess its all our fought for not speaking up about our religion. Where I may have let the world and some of my past circumstances dictate to me how I ran my adult, cam and video services. I never thought of camming as work before. Honestly I began doing it for pleasure, and companionship. If you have noticed the bump in prices, not just any John or loser can afford to spend any time with me any longer. Lots of you losers began to make me hate camming when like I said, I started out having fun. Since being affordable wasn’t good for my sanity or my happiness because of bums ruining for all. I stopped for a while. But any time anyone with money to burn and risk getting blocked by rudeness feel free to hit me up for 10 minutes for $50.

After the makings of Shades Cam Network has been completely the price for Skype one on one shows will rise to $100 for 10 minutes. So feel free to have your fun for now.

Back on point. Just because your a Christian doesn’t mean you don’t need to eat, and live. We all have life’s. I right more about myself as a person these days because once my Network is up. I want the people that have see me naked and doing the naughty. To also see what they will be getting if they want more of me that’s both sexual and none sexual. My price for that service will be high and even within the site certain services will have additional fees but still no amount to one a non member will have to pay for access to me. SO I want you to know the real me. My past, present and what I do for towards the future. The whole point is I want my fans, to know me and I want the chance to know you too. If you are looking for Ms. Fake, go find you a tank head sex machine with no feelings to entertain you for five hours three times per week looking to take all your money then be out. Those looking for a new community with a hot fun woman you can check out, talk to night or day within reason of bathing and sleeping. Want to see past videos, early morning recording, last night, or tonight’s before you home along with tons of other goodies. Feel free to come along and check me our.

Love To My Real Fans


Have Rizpah Tears? Cry Them

I mentioned to you guys yesterday that it touched my heart to read a bunch of some of my old novels I hadn’t had time to read in a very long time. I know that God always had a plan when it comes to me. My whole life has basically be layered out like that. So when I read one of my old books. I learned something I hadn’t before. I read it and understood a very small part of the book that I never even considered before. Then it hit me that that part was also in reference to a part of my own life as well. That’s when the tears came. I am not afraid nor am I ashamed to tell anyone that I cry. See I learned a long time ago that tears both cleans the soul, makes you stronger and helps build you up to take on the next level of your life. Fruit start growing for you. Just like rain for the crops or grass. It means that changes are coming. For me, it always imprints that great ones are coming my way. I told an exfriend of mine before I moved here that I have this thing. I was chatting with my mom about it last evening. Every single time I get to a place in life where, something wonderful is happening. At that time, it was moving here. I think about two things. I think about the people that help me get through to that blessing, weather, physically, mentally or emotionally helped me get to where I am. I think about how some are just taken from my life right after. Like I got the support I needed, now ” God” feels like they are no longer needed anymore in my world, so he reaches in and takes them out.

While others are the opposite. Its almost like the other half, feels like they have used me up of all of what they needed, wanted or whatever they felt they could get out of me, of value. Help, advice, money, food, things, whatever they felt they needed, even knowledge about things they may not have been or would have not been pry too. Then they run like gone with the wind fabulous. I stand in my truth and I find it truly funny that the best parts they could have used, came right after they walked out of my life. I was talking it over with my mother, and it took me explaining how I was feeling for me to truly get, and understand why I felt that way. Did deep down I want to be used? I no longer have an ounce of low self esteem like I did in my younger years. So I knew it couldn’t be that. Yet after reading that book again last night. Looking at the main character in a different way then I did the first 100 times I read it. Both on paper back and kindle. I realized that the part in the Bible about Rizpah. 2 Samuel 21 is where you will find the story if you’d like to read that yourself.

Any who, I saw Charmayne in a different light. See I saw that she was rich. Had low self esteem. Because she felt like she was too desperate to have what God wanted for her and she felt she had to take this one guy because she probably wouldn’t get another one. She fell for a Bum, he stole all of money, her job and the some of the respect she had in her community and church home. It wasn’t until I was talking to my mom with the annointance on me, which tends to happen a lot. That I thought about the fact that Charmayne didn’t realize what she had! I mean she couldn’t see that even though she was over weight, had no man in her life. She had everything else. It wasn’t until she lost it all that she saw herself. Saw what “God” had done for her. She couldn’t see past what flaws she felt like she had. Past what her silly mom, sister and married best friend had to say negative about her life, just because she had weight problems and didn’t have man. She was a woman of God. Had her own house, paid for. High paying job she worked for. Her life was good!!!! It occurred to me every time I repeated that out load last night that she was me. No, not the me now. Not the me I’ve been since 2013. I was a 200, 230 lb chick in high school. Yet all I saw was ugly and fat. Being 350 lb or a little under that now, I see how silly that really is.

I was beautiful. Fine as ever now in my own eyes and nobody can tell me different, I am just way to stuck on my self now! lol  I let so much of my life past me by, back then. I could have played basketball back then and gotten a full ride Scholarship to college. I was just that good! Everyone, coaches, everyone was after me to do it. But because life wasn’t fair, and my mom didn’t have a car at the that time. I wouldn’t. Because she wouldn’t have been able to travel to my games. Someone found one of my notebooks. I’ve been writing, good writing since I was ten. Stories, Poems you name it, I did it. I sold some as a kid to people that loved my work. Someone thought enough about me to put out a writing contest at my school my last year. Winner would have gotten enough to attend college for two years. But I just knew it would go to someone else. My low self esteem got me again. I couldn’t see my own talent, because I was too busy looking at all of the flaws I thought I had. I cried for the me I buried long ago. Because too many bad things and bad people and life killed her on the inside of me and a angry me was born. Until God and I killed her. Now the strong, independent classy, sexy, happy confident me is whom I am now.  Because she never had a chance.

I had a good friend I met on a chatline then became good friends with both on the phone and facebook back in 2011. We talked every day. Neither of us had a car. She lived on the other side of North Carolina from. She helped me through a rough time in 2011. Between a crazy controlling cousin I couldn’t trust. My mom had another life of her own back then that was affecting me in a not so good way. She was a rock in my life. But then things took a turn. Right at that time I made a move I had to. Because of neighbor issues, and she and I became fight friends. We talked, laughed, watched shows together. Days later a fight. Between that and my new situation learning the ropes for making my money. I didn’t have the time for the drama. So for six months to a year we didn’t talk. When we talked again. I had just went through the flooding of my house. Moved and was working on my GED. But she accused me of things that weren’t true and after the last fight, God told me to let her go! All he had to do was ask. I did.

My ex, convinced me to slow down on work and go ahead and get my GED. He supported me the whole time. Right after I got it. He was gone. I learned how to keep my clients  happy doing my real hustle. Learned every part of the business. Learned how to make other people thousands of dollars a day, week and month and I did it, until I had the confidence to go out on my own independently and do all of what I did for them and more for myself. I started out doing this thing with my cousin. I’ve mentioned her alot. She spent way more money, getting her own independent service started because she did it, with less experience then I did when I went independent. Worked for over twenty or more companies all different kinds for five years before I went independent.  If she wasn’t  a bitch to me after my house was flooded, throwing out my food on the ground and disrespecting my mother. We could have been civil. She would now know what I know, and weather together or separate, she would have learned how to properly run this type of business, weather she continued with the leg work, or just stayed management. Serious cash she’ have stashed while doing whatever else she wanted in the process. But she didn’t, she actually gave up. She disrespected my family so I complete cut her off and whatever blessing that could have happened, isn’t. Not for us.

Last but not least my exfriend. Man. I tried to help and convince this person what I knew they could do with there talent yet, they had all kinds of things they claimed they wanted to do.  Just needed a little bit of money to make it happen. But didn’t want to use there talent to get it done. Even tried to convince me I couldn’t learn what I needed from a book, website and such. I guess that was the persons way of thinking I was would be a fool to pay then to do all kinds of things that I knew it wasn’t worth it. I could get others to do what I wanted at a less expensive price and most I could and have done myself. With just a few pages or a book of reading knowledge. Yet I did, and since, God’s sent me more resources then I could have ever imagined. So many things I am involved in and I affectionately think about this person. Yet, the drama they tried to put me through, is enough for me to stay to myself. Regret. That’s what I was feeling. Not a desire to be used. Not low self esteem. Simply regret that I couldn’t and honestly don’t won’t to try and help people that could have stuck with me. But instead wanted to try and use me and throw me away.   But its like I told my mother about her family and a couple of her so called friends. She my mom is not understanding that we are under God’s covering. Where we should be hungry, cold and going through like we did when I was child. We are good. God had provided. Is and is not ceasing to provide. She see’s and listens to others going through.

We both know what its like to be hungry, cold, confused and going through. She likes to help whenever she can. We are doing good. So she wants to bring others in. Close to us. Under our Family’s Halo, so they can be blessed too. But as I had to mention to her last night. You can’t help people that don’t won’t help. When people have nothing but excuses about what they are going through. You offer help and Sage advice about what can help them get on top and change the game for themselves.

Yet when they come right back at you negative. Telling you about what they have. What they don’t won’t or have to do. You accept that this person’s ungrateful, doesn’t want to do any better and move on. Let them go. Don’t allow them to bring you down with them. Let God handle them. There his business. My experience, God, always handles his business. I know he always does, when it comes to me. I am the King’s Daughter! Before you know it, I’ll be updating you guys about whatever blessings that come my way. Because the way I am thinking an feeling. God’s got a Game Changer up his sleeve for me and mine and its going to be huge. Yall pray for me!

What’s My Standard For Dating

Does Charmayne strike you as being a selective or picky, possessing high standards or being impossible to please?

Like most questions I answer. This one is going to be a yes and no. Yes, I do believe that she is selective  and picky. She also had high standards as well. But I feel like some of the these she chooses to be this way about is all wrong. Example. She is selective when it comes to be frugal about spending her money. She by things she doesn’t need. Out of all of the money she made and acquired over the years, she never really spoiled herself at all.

She was right to be picky and not take Wille seriously, she deserved way better and she knew it! At that point she mind making it none that nothing was going to happen past that blind date double her married best friend cooked up for her. She had a high standard about her work, her place in the church and her hair. That’s where it all began and ended for her.

Is she impossible to please?

I don’t for a minute feel that she was impossible to please but in some places in her life she accepted second best when she should have been happy for her success and focused on herself, not others, not what others had to say. Or what they wanted. She needed more demands for her own happiness.

Why? How do you make decisions about eligible dating or marriage partner?

When I think about dating, I think about weather its even worth my time. I have been a lot in life. A lot in failed and some hurtful relationships. Even a hurtful ending of a friendship. Therefore I am careful of both my heart and my time.

If I know I am not going to have a good time with a person. Why go out with them? If I know that this person isn’t worth my time, why go out with them? If I know that person is there to take and not trying to give why go out with them?

I choose to spend my time with someone I can have fun with. If they are interested in me in more ways then just being friends. I expect to step up to the place and begin showing and proving they are real from day one. I am a new age woman with a more out going look on life and more interest in succeeding in my own way then a lot of women from the old days. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be spoiled the way they were. I want flowers, candy. I want the doors opened and closed for he at stores, restaurant’s and getting in and out of a car.

I demand that my date had a car for me to get into a suitable, safe car. All of my serious dates are with real men that believe its there job, positions and reputation on the line to pay for all date expensive. Meal, movies, light shopping, ice cream whatever it cost for us to have fun. Yet I am not picky, I enjoy picnics at the beach that wouldn’t cost more then about $30 as long as its classy. Being brought home at a decent hour. Going off my mood on weather you should reach in a for a kiss. With me its not happening on the first and maybe not the second date. But a hug would be nice. Being respectful and interested in more then  my parts.

Just to date me that would be the basics.

1. What is the connection between our spirit self and our physical or mental health?

I have been reading one of the old novels I read when I was back in school, probably around Middle School Days.  By the Title of Farther Then I Meant To Go, Longer Then I Meant To Stay Author By: Tiffany L. Warren. I decided to answer some of the questions I found at the end.

Honestly, the best way to explain it is if you have taking yourself through anything everything you could have imagined, and what you couldn’t have imagined. Then you have seen rock bottom. As you get there, while you getting there and once you hit. You see that your spirit starts to hurt. Trouble sleeping, trouble eating. Trouble period. Then your mind may make you feel like your losing it. You have trouble focusing. Confusion comes in and you have a hard time. Before you know it your body starts to catch up with these illnesses. You may not want to eat. Could become nausea. Lose to much sleep and almost feel that your life is over. Depression. A huge pity party comes along and you almost see no way out.

The point is, when your spirit is in trouble, your life is in trouble. Your state of mind. If you allow it to get to far, right and wrong and your conscious, that little voice inside starts to fade and become weaker and weaker. You lose your peace. That sweet inner peace where you can wake up every day feeling like the world is your canvas and you do anything you want and everything that you want. Without guilt. You have a great nights sleep without worrying about tomorrow’s. But once you get into a dangerous place, you can feel it.

I believe that when your spirit isn’t right, neither is the rest of you.

Sex Work

I was just online reading and article and it brought back to my remembrance a conversation I was having with someone, some months before. One of there comments being, why is is that even though you have a lot of none sexual ideas that you sale, why do you always float back to having someone to do sex work instead of doing something none sexual.  The answer is really very simple. BECAUSE ITS FAST AND EASY MONEY! I mean think about it. What other job do you know where you can make a quick two thousand dollar with two client’s where one all you had to do was spank him with a flogger cows tail or a wooden spoon. And the other simply wants for you to pee on them every thirty minutes for 2 hours?

Or where a single mother can get her family in order. Just before brushing her teeth. Adding maybe some lipstick and gloss to her lips whatever it takes for her to get into a sexy mood. Turn on her private line and talk dirty with a man until he cums. Do that about twenty times within that night before she goes to sleep with a smile knowing she just made a quick $400 to pay her lights that’s been over due for three months. Not having to take from Paul to pay Bill this week.

You noticed I didn’t mention webcam. It’s a reason why. Honestly because of my how I feel about relationships right now. Webcam is not a job nor will it ever again be a job to me. I love chatting with hot sexy men. That knows how to talk to a treat a woman. My new network costs $100 per month to join. But its because I don’t want to deal with the ignorant, out of control, drama filled stuff that comes with offering something like that on the cheap. Plus with all the goodies inside I haven’t had a guy complain yet. My point is, all you ever hear is negativity being placed on sex work. A woman charging for a man to take her to dinner have some fun and enjoying a happy ending at the end of the night is considered to be a whore or a slut because she charges. Yet giving it away for free, I guess that makes her a saint. My point I up sale a woman doing sex work or a man because it pays the bills, gets you the money that you need and if you want to get out and make it a one time thing. You can. Or it can become you hustle or insurance policy!

Giving Up On Family Part 3

All that being said and done. Being my family history and the ending to it. I have my mom. But even if I didn’t. God forbid. I love myself. I love myself enough to know that you deserve more. From anyone. Friends. Family. Your Job. Your Business. Whatever is a top priority in your life. If someone is taking you for granted. Using you. Abusing. Talking out of the side of their face all slick to you. If every time someone calls or text you. You feel sick thinking about what they have to say to you next. Its time to end this game. The party is over. Cut this off, before something reckless happens. Because it can hurt you, mentally, emotionally and physically. Rock you to your very core, and make you ask yourself int he end. How did I get here? How did I allow these people or this person, to get me talking like this. Actually like this. Feeling like this. This cousin I mentioned in part 2. She was poison in my life. I was track doing big things before she came back into my life. Even though I was kind of at my lowest. Changed had hit me and my family back to back before our reconnection. I was still spiritual in a place. I almost fell from because of this person..

Kind of like they call it ” Falling From Grace”. Every time in the three years we talked. God kept saying the same thing when we were on good term ” Light And Talk Can Live In The Same House”. It was only while we talked daily that he’d say this to me. I wondered why. I mean, I knew she wasn’t a good person the way she was living her life. She had a different man in her bed at all times of the day and night that she barely knew. Starting when I began talking to her, her daughter was 6 years old. Yet she had random’s coming in at 2 am. Just because she had a dog. She thought this kind of behavior was normal. One of her quotes to me once was ” I am going to live my young life when I am young. So I won’t be like this old ass women trying to make up for lost times in there 30s, 40s and 50s. “Just because she was a success in college and working that’s all that she felt she needed to do, as a adult. While me, when I got connected with her was attending Church every week. Reading the word of God daily. I was helping with the homeless. I was giving back as much as I took from the world and focused on business and making money. My family fell off when I was 16 years. But we were fighting ourselves back to what we were used to. But just like in the bible we had our 40 years wilderness experience. As of 2013 after a used tragedy, we have slowly but surely fought our way back. Every year things becoming better and better. Yet God made sure, when we connected I was at one of my lowest peaks. He wanted me to see how she’d treat me, when I didn’t have. That’s she wouldn’t be their when it got better. My point to all of this is. Sometimes God takes people out of your life for a reason and a purpose. They could be stunting your blessings. He could be trying to keep that person or those people from taking the good things from you. That bad ass man that’s more rotten then hell it self could be keeping a great man out of your life. Maybe you can get along with this person because they are poison. I was rocked to the core and going through the whole year of 2013. I mean I was flooded out of my home. Which I needed to get out of and that was God’s way of making that happen. Then after the last straw of that cousin throwing my family’s food out, right after a flood, a whole year of not sleeping. I got my GED. Went independent a year later as far as work. Grabbed two college diploma’s and before you know it, I will be placing a down payment and paying off my first home.  I’m a self starter if you didn’t know let me tell you, I am Ms. Handle It! All of that happened because I let go of both sides of where I come from. Because they were cancer that didn’t lift a finger to help. Or lifted a finger to cause more pain. I am holding on to the one good family member I have living. She gets to enjoy the benefits of my labor. Not some rotten, ungrateful rude, disrespectful person that’s walking around with no soul!

Let them go. Cry the tears. The pain and the tears will help you grow and brings in blessings.

Giving Up On Family Part 2

My dads side of the family I never really got to know. I had memories of them from when I was 5 to 8 years old. Other then that I never really saw them. My daddy was a dead beat and none of them ever stepped up to the plate to try and help, change, beat the odds of me having a bad childhood. So when I became 18, rather 19, my mother told me that she’s ran into what used to be my favorite Aunt. She told me my Aunt had told her and gave her what used to be my favorite cousin, actually the big sister I used to look up to. I was working, going through life and circumstances. So when a calm time came along. I gave that cousin a call. I gave her and her daughter a chance. No one else had stepped up. So I decided if I was going to give my mothers crazy, out of control, rude, abusive family a chance all my childhood life.

I had to give at least some of my dads side of the family a chance to see what could happen grow there. My mom was dead against it the whole way. She told me how his family stole from her, dropped there pants and showed her there dicks trying to fuck her when she was younger knowing she was loyal and only loyal to my dad. She was a V when they got together and pretty much until she fell out of love with him he was the only man she’d ever slept with. She told me his brothers had stole money from her. So she pretty much wanted me to leave the whole family alone. But like I said, her family she had me around was bad. The whole time. She never packed me up and left those people completely alone once and for all. So I felt it was only fair to give what used to be my favorite cousin.

The girl I prayed for every year to come back into my life from the age of 8 and the last time we talked on the phone when she was pregnant at 14. Let her and her child into my life. My mind was already made up if they didn’t work out for us I would walk away from it all, from them as well just like I did my mom’s side. Well it didn’t work. She was rude. Disrespectful from day one. To the people that were already in her life, from the first conversation I had with her. I knew from that first moment, I couldn’t trust telling her the truth about much when it came down to my life and my business . What me and my family had. I couldn’t be up front with her about anything. Because anything I opened up to her about, I would hear about it again. So everything we discuss. Was always 50% lie to 50% truth. I wasn’t about to allow her to treat me the same way she did her self and others. I gave her three years off and on. To get it right. Prove that she was someone worthy of being in my world. She failed every test. Including trying to com between me any my mother. My mother, my best friend and in a lot of ways my daughter. Made me know I never wanted her anywhere near my unborn children, or family I am building for myself. Because “ Light and Dark can’t live under the same roof!”.

Giving Up On Family Part 1

Giving up on family is hard. Trust me I know. I know because I gave up on my mothers side of the family when I was 16 years old. I call anyone on that side of the family Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Grandma or Granddad. I was at a very expensive birthday party dinner my mother went out of her way to work and pay for. See when I actually turned 16 we were homeless. Going through another batch of hell with her family. Because of the hatred between my mothers mother against my daddy and her misguided hate and thoughts of being better than my daddy’s family. She gave me nothing but hell. Starved me and beat the hell out of me when my mother wasn’t around. She picked on me. With me. Called me a bastard to my face because when my mother conceived me. Had me and began raising me. She and my dad weren’t married yet. They didn’t marry until I was 8 years of age.

So by the time I was 16 and freezing outside in the rain to get away from the drama and crazy going on at my mothers, mothers moms house. Had child protective services called on my mom just because they didn’t like it that we didn’t interact with them and I wasn’t enrolled into school because we weren’t staying in that county and planning to move right back into our own home. My mom decided to make up for lost events and times just like she always did. She had the both of us custom made gowns and matching jackets made. Spend real money on homemade food. Book and even hall and tried to help really celebrate my birthday three months after we moved back into our own home. Her family all came. Yet, they all came empty handed. That didn’t stop them from taking plates home with them or taking champagne glasses with them.

I sat there that night in the main hall all by myself except my mothers daddy sitting in a corner alone. The rest of her family sat in the kitchen laughing and talking to themselves. So at the end my birthday dinner, wasn’t about me. No gifts. No cheer. I was sitting sexy in a room full of music alone. All I know is that’s the night I decided to let them go. I didn’t go to alone family event from that day forward. I didn’t want to ruin another one of my nights. Every one always ended in an argument. Either my mothers mothers. My mother and her sister. My mother her sister and her mother. My mother and her brother in law. Trouble always began with these people. When my mom did cook outs. Fish frys and it was with anyone but her family. It was love, fun, a great time. No fussing over food. No fights. No bringing up shit that happened back in 1992, 1993, 10, 20, 30 years before. No more drama is what I wanted and liked.

Mutual Masturbation

There’s something really sexy to me mutual masturbation. Us sharing some really hot and sexy

time with each other. Just fantasying about what we want to do. Need to do. Or are going to do

depending on the situation. When is cam, of course we are going to make it happen, hopefully in

living color doing some fun cam2cam. If its over the phone my dirty talk would drive you insane.

Over a cliff you don’t jumping off of. We talk and tell each other naughty secrets about the past.

Making us both as randy as rabbits, ready to hump each other until we are both drained of our

Cum. Sounds wonderful, now doesn’t it?