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Hey baby, for the perfectionist.

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Embrace Change–The Future Isn’t Set In Stone

Life is really and truly what you make it. Its true. A movie once said, that your future changes because you looked at it. Yet, I have real experiences that have really happened, where I have seen future events. Once they happened, I felt a ping to the gut, and remembered seeing it. It happened just the way I had seen. Something’s haven’t. Yet, most of the time. It has happened in just that way. Which, what it means, is that sometimes signs and visions, and things that have come up could just be a clue as to what’s to come and not the whole view of things. Or sometimes, things could be right on target. No matter, of weather future plans will be on point or not. I have come to realize that you can change any destiny, by just making a choice. If you don’t like something. Change it. Do something about it. For me, I haven’t been able to move around outside of my house in the last few years without being in pain, needing to sit down or having to use a grocery store mobile. At first I felt shameful. Then, I felt like ok, its fine as long as nobody that I know see’s me. When someone was around I felt I’d see, I would push myself and pay for it by falling or puking my guts out. Then I digressed by deciding to just stay home. Allow my mom and other people to handle the things for me that I couldn’t without leaving the home front. But more recently things got a little worse for me. I have to take pills now and I want be going for a needle. Therefore, now I am walking. I have been changing not little by little, but in a major way. A way that has changed more then my ability to be able to walk long distances. But in even more personal ways as well. So the next time you think about change. Don’t be the old me, dreading and maybe even hating change. Embrace it, grab it by its boot straps and jump in. You an Jesus can handle whatever comes along and happens on the other side.


What I Need To Do….

Don’t you just hate it, when someone tells you, ” What You Need To Do” ?

I don’t have any shame in letting you know that I do! I love advice. I love constructive critics that will actually help you. I love it when someone with a great idea of two to offer you. Yet, the opposite, some telling you what you need to do, with no real answers for you. Just nothing but rude push over talk, that makes it very clear to you, the person has no intention of being a good person/ good friend. They are here to try and tear you down. The more you try and build yourself up. The more that they have backward comments that they try and push on you, and make you feel some type of away of you decided against listening to that piece of advice. Which to me, is utter nonsense all together. Its not right, and often makes you begin to regard the person in a different way, or walk away from it all together.

Ask me to do something.
Suggest to me I could do something.
Never tell me what I need to do, especially when the comment is empty, because I am going to get at you about it all of the time. Each time you come for me, I am going to give everything that you are looking for.


Never Feel That Your Irreplaceable With Me–Words Of A Christian Webcam Model

Reminder: Click Here

I was talking to my mom about something today. Something that was near and close to my heart, which usually means its something that my Father wants me to say. It got at me so deep once I began to talk to her about it. That knew that I also had to take the time to write about it. After a nice workout, I find myself having a clearer head these days. SO now is the time. Anyone that ever encounters me. Friend, Business Associates, Family, even Haters. Never thing for one minute, or second that you can’t be replaced. Because anyone that comes into my life, my world. If you aren’t bringing in good fruit for my life. Quickly you are replaced.

Jesus Curses a Fig Tree

18 Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. 19 Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, “May you never bear fruit again!” Immediately the tree withered.

20 When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. “How did the fig tree wither so quickly?” they asked.

21 Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. 22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

Found Matthew 21 NIV 

I was dating someone a back in 2010-2011 for about a year, or as close to it without it being a year, as you can get. Myself and the person, continued to be good friends, and still talked daily. Yet, this person quickly moved on. Within a couple of months I did the same. One day, while being on the phone with this person, while having a conversation with this person. I guess the sound of my voice was giving off the fact that I was flirting. If you can call what I do even flirting. I heard in the background noise of the phone, while I was having my live, in person, conversation ( dang, what happened to me!) as if I even though they had in fact moved in within days of us ending, yet they never thought I would heal and decide to move on as well. The moral for that little past dip was to say this. Nothing that is rotting and decaying and not worth my time is going to take up room in my life. I allowed on person long ago to get that close to me. Yet, have since given that type of access to my life to Jesus, myself and my family. If you aren’t lucky enough to gain that type of access to me. Then you are replaceable. Now I know your like, well you named out Business Associates and Haters too. What’s that supposed to mean? Well Business Associates because if you are lucky enough to be a friend or business associate of mine, when I begin to let you in and you earn more and more of my time. You become more and more important to me, to the point I begin to see you as family. Hater? That’s easy to understand as well. My ” Haters” get me closer to the Lord, and all of my dreams and aspirations. The more people hate on me, the better person and leader I become. I get so much stronger. I push myself harder to gain, wisdom, knowledge and understanding. You say no, honey, Jesus, and I say “YES” ! You tell me I can’t do something, learn something, make something happen. I rise all the way up way past whatever you ” DOUBTED” on. Name’s I have been know as”

Ms. Independent
Ms. Make A Way
Ms. Handle It

All of them belong to me,  affectionately . I earned them and I maintain them. SO if you ever have the privilege of coming into my life baby. Appreciate it. Know it and thank the Father for it. Because you never know when you are entertaining an Angel!

1 Chronicles 16:22 “Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm.” NIV



Never Let People Control You, Need An Answer, Ask The Master He Understand

You know I just caught a video on Youtube. That honestly touched my heart. My mother, uses the word Fluffy a lot because she can’t stand the word fat. She asked me if I would rather be called fluffy or fat. Being that I remember the three headed dog from Harry Potter and I know a few other dogs by that name as well. I personally would rather be called fat! lol But seriously though. I wish that more of my big and thick sisters would get a clue and way more confidence within themselves about their weight. Weather you have a desire too stay big and thick, plump and juicy as a porterhouse steak or not. Believe in yourself. But take back your fat power, and know that like all things negative. It is more then possible to turn it into something positive. If you want to lose some weight girl, find something you would have fun doing and stick to it. Play some basket ball or base ball or foot ball. If you don’t know how, learn to swim and then get to flapping those arms and legs underneath the therapy of warm water. It will heal you and make you feel good with low impact so there will be no pain. Maybe some soreness and stiffness once it hits you later on but over days, and weeks you will feel that change your looking for. Or just go window shopping, look at the clothes you know you want, but your bank account says no. Its also a wait to make your heart rate increase.

I personally love to be big thick and plump. I have been one ever since I was a child. I always stayed around 230 to 250 even when I was in high school. I toned a lot when I got a job at 16 and then 18 to 20. But I was always thicker and taller then most. Then 7 years of working from home and school. Focusing on a career that had me sitting down for twenty hours per day except for the toilet and kitchen. I gained up to 350. I gained a well wanted 46 inch booty, but my belly became an even bigger problem area for me. So far since my move I have lost about 20 pounds. I am losing this for to take my body back and be able to walk long distance in life, ( store, park, down the road an to the mail and back ) without huffing, puffing and feeling like I will fall over. I walk everyday now for 20 to 30 minutes. Small area right outside my door or on bad days like to day around my apartment. I get my heart rate up and excise my muscles while listening to gospel or reading a good book I have just gotten started on. I want children soon and I’ve been told they run away from you at top speed once they learn how. I need to keep up. If something happened to one of my babies like them getting into the street, and I’m not able to get to them in time, it would scar me for life.

No matter how you feel. Want to get bigger. Smaller. Or maintain your current size, never allow anyone else to make the choice for you on what you should do, based on their empty mouth, personality  and insults. Because honestly even though some want to try and sound concerned with their ( please take better care of your self’s, and lose some weight your a beautiful woman or man) they are basically standing in your face telling you what you should do and how you should feel. Yet they don’t know what its like to walk a mile or even five feet in your shoes. If you have to ask anyone what you should do. Ask God. Only if you believe in him that is. Ask him. He will tell you what to do, and at least you know he has in fact walked a mile to five feet in your shoes.


PS: Link if you want to know what inspired this. Click Here

“ Stand For Something!” Or You Will Fall For Anything…

Honestly I cannot say this enough, ” Stand For Something”.  Stand for something. I don’t care what you do honestly. I but I do care that you stand for something. Don’t let people, things, or even fear keep you from doing something that you want to do. Standing for something that you want to stand for. Because it only leaves behind, ” Regrets”. I promise you that you will have them. They will live in your life. It will be hard to  get them out of your consciousness. When some one places demands on you and your life.


1. I want love you if you don’t!
2. We can’t be together, if you!
3. I can’t do this, because what if!

All things that you need to step back from and and make a choice. The right one. Don’t allow you, or anyone else to keep you from doing something or make you do something that will change your life for the worse, and make you want to ” regret” it forever. Stand for something or you will be falling for anything.





Love is not easy. Its is hard. Hard to give. Hard to take away. Hard to feel. When you love someone, sometimes its easy. When they break your heart, its hard to keep loving them, and hard to stop. Love is sacrifice. It endures forever and ever. Past all time and space. When you love someone you hold on to them. But times you also need to know how to love someone enough to let then go! Wake up in love. Go to sleep in love. Walk around all day long feeling love. Doing your best of times and worst of times. Let love lead and guide you in the way that you should go. Love will never truly leave you, let you down or make you become lost. With love in your heart, you will always be found. Walk out on love today and enjoy the magic that happens right before your very eyes!

Love Sincerely,

Why Do I Love Being A Cammodel?


I am not! Yeah! I am not a cammodel. I am a hot woman. That is hardcore, kinky and I love to have myself a very good time. I have been through a lot in my life. Like most women do. But I was blessed in ways that others might not have been. I began to masturbate when I was thirteen. But I actually saw my first porn movie when I was 5 years old. Not the fought of my mother. I snuck within her things, found the tape, popped it in and was under the impression I was peeing on myself each time I watched it. Yet, I was just getting wet and horny. I didn’t see porn again, until I was thirteen. I came home and it was on my TV in the form of the Playboy channel. At 8 my mother showed me my first condom. Told me that if anyone touched me without my permission to let her know I wouldn’t get into any trouble, but they would. She also let me know since that’s also the year I got my period. That when I was ready to have sex. To let her know. She didn’t want me getting pregnant early. So her plans were to get me my own hotel room. She’d pay and get me on birth control, so that I wouldn’t get pregnant early. Unknown to her and everyone around me. I didn’t have a desire to have sex until I turned 18 years old when I fell in love for the first time. From thirteen on up, instead became a regular masturbator. I stroked a lot of crazy places. At home in bed of course. But I also did it on my school bus, school bathroom, the class room. I became very curious and then very stimulated by my own hands and interesting things I found around my house. I got my first sex toy, not long after I turned 16 years old. I learned that I had been raped at the age of 5 to 6 years old.

A doctor let me know I no longer had my cherry at 16. Which made me very hurt, humiliated and angry, because unlike some that play church or pretend they really have an intention of saving it for marriage. That really was my desire. Only to find out that had been taken from, long before I had a chance to make a choice and by a family member. Any who I started masturbating so much through Middle School and High School, all of the tricks that some girls may have fallen for for the boys and some men to get to their booty’s, nobody had the change to ever get mine. Going further into adult hood, I had  desire to give it up to people I cared about. Yet each time it got close to happening. Something dumb happen. I found out they had been cheating, that hey had a sexual transmitted disease. Or something more or less. Either way. After my last bad situation. I decided I wanted to open myself up to not one guy. But thousands. Millions of guys. Women and couples as well. I had been watching other cammodel’s for some time doing their thing. It looked fun and inviting. Yet, I wasn’t looking at it the way most of them are. If not all of them are.


What is a cammodel to me?

To me a cammodel, is someone that logs into a cam site with millions of other people. Trying to tease and convince men to go into a back room with them for an allotted amount of time. For them to put on a show, while getting some good money by the minute. MONEY, is the key reason why they do what they do. Do something with a WOW factor, to both please and impress this person enough for them to tip them even more. Add them to their favorite. Leave comments and tags so more like minded people will come in right behind them and do the same. If the person was happy and satisfied. They will be sure to come back again until they become bored and need something or someone else different to catch their interest. To men, weather they have gone completely independent with it, or its half and half. That’s the role and desire of a cammodel.


What AM I?

I am am a woman that wants to do all that you read above. With a huge difference. I have no desire to do circus tricks. I have no desire to pretend to be and do something, that I do not like. I am person and I want to be treated like one. I may charge and want to charge people to join online. But what I have to offer, and will offer, is a relationship. Not just the GFE, Girlfriend Experience. But a real friendship between me and all of the people that appreciate me. Enjoys my company. I can log in mornings and do and record shows for you. Post them for your viewing and downloading pleasures. DO the the same thing at night on schedule. In between that, make pictures, videos, and offer you other services, all in included in a one month package. Along with discounts and percentages off of things I off to the public at a full priced rate. Just because I am lonely myself and miss you guys. I can log into my on personal place on the big wide open internet and chill with you. Hang out in lingerie, boy shorts, nothing. Do my special Goal, no Gold, Goal shows, so you guys can get an unscheduled hot show for less than half the price of a private one using Skype all on your own. With the promise that the video will be posted again, for your viewing pleasure. Percentages off your own personal custom videos, never will be seen by another. Percentages off of my used panties, socks, pantyhose. If you have been a member of my site for at least three months. You may also from the show of all of your generosity. Have the pleasure of joining in some of my private party’s I have in your area. Seeing me live, in living color, right before your very eyes! That’s a taste of what I can offer you in services that most aren’t even interested in.

What Makes Me SO Real And Not A Cammodel?

But really though the biggest thing that really makes me not be a cammodel. Is I have feelings and emotions about what I do. Sometimes, I find it so sad, when I watch the cams of some girls. The only time they act like a real person, is when they are mad, hurt, or frustrated because they are going through a lot. In their home life. The pressure, of being fake, phony and trying to put on this big show is too much to happen on the bad days. Days they still have to work. Make money. Provide for themselves and their family’s. That’s the only time you guys ever see a cammodel, never being so REAL! Baby, that is me 24/7 365. You will never find me being fake. I’ll always be real with you. I am no longer on a site because I don’t want to fight and competition and have some guys coming to a site where I am sitting out exposed. A play for to be harassed and used. One guy throws in a tip to see something, while 100 of the guys are sitting their staring at that mans prize for free. No! No! No! I never took camming to be a job. I don’t date. I get offered dates. To hang out and have sex. But for me and the life I am living. Its not worth it to me. Why should I want to have some random guys inside of me. Wasting my time. The money part does two things for me. Yes, it helps me. Helps me put away for retirement. But I have a full time business that pays my bills just fine. I have a high price because I am bringing you quality. I am here for more then sex talk. If your working, bored or a little bit of both. With your once a month membership fee. You get all of my work constant work unfiltered. Picture, videos, private tweets that you get from my private twitter account. You get to talk to me in real time, as long as I am awake, which within a 24 period I am up for at least 15 of those hours, not far from my phone or computer. Even when I leave home base I am online! Ready to chat and see what your day or your night it like. Teasing. Laughing. Talking about nothing. I have a desire to meet people from all over this big wide open world. No matter gender, marriage status or ethnicity. You get me. Raw. Unfiltered at all times. So no, no cammodel. Virtual and IRL Sugar Baby maybe. But not a cammodel!

Love Sincerely,



Step Up or Step Off

I know that’s its been about a week since I have been on here. But I have had some very busy times here everyone. I mean it. Some getting money, others dealing with nonsense one person shouldn’t have to endure just to live in a hone that they pay rent and other utility’s and bills at. Its terrible. But a topic was laid deep into my heart that I just needed to put down on paper. But decided instead of my private journal. I decided to share it with all of you! This one is called, Step Up or Step Off. I think I used a similar topic line recently. If I am carbon copying I am sorry. Charge it to my head and not my heart. This one is based on a stranger that came back into my world within the last week. A gentlemen I did some business with probably around four months ago with. I did a couple of customs and a some photos for this man for pay of course Yet, this guy from day one had been trying to player player and holler at me on a personal note as well. Now mind you I never mix business with pleasure. This time around wasn’t any different. Yet this person seems to have walked off the blacklist and back into my world. Explaining why we “disconnected” problem? We never connected to begin with. Then he made a move to say he wanted another custom this weekend. Saturday to be more accurate. Yet Saturday came and left and no funds have been deposited into my bank account. Now I know some of the fellas, and some of the ladies as well wants to come for me and say. Well dang! Girl its just one day later. Maybe you will get that cheese on Monday instead. Things happen. That’s very true. I don’t consider what I am saying to be back biting mind you. Because the money thing, isn’t the reason for this blog. Nope. Money comes later on or not. Either way I am going to do me and be paid by another if he doesn’t come through. The problem is don’t come for me like your a man. Talking this massive game like your player player. Talking about all that you trying to do for me. When nothing big on you is your mouth. Maybe your dick too. But if you are spoiling, wining dining, stepping up and trying to do what I can do for myself. Then step to me. I am new fashion but I am also old fashion. I never tell anyone that I am a Golddigger digging after someone else’s gold. I always work to too hard for my very own. But the day you call my phone, step to my door, bother me in anyway, you are looking to pay bills,  or for whatever else I desire, along with all of the other things that matter. I will no struggle with a man. I have struggled with myself, I have struggled with my family. I will not struggle with a man. I don’t won’t anything to do with that. Yes. For all of your with an opinion and desire to say well then you will be alone. Guess what boo, is what I have to say to you. If you a woman let me tell you this:

Afraid to be alone?
Too lazy to go to school or get a hustle to take care of you?
Lonely? Have time to be lonely? Do you have more then enough stacks of money to walk up into heaven like a stair case? Know a legal on on the line way to strike it rich. No lottery, no bingo, no cheating or lying or scheming. Real way to get money from skills, drive, ambition and common sense or a career diploma, degree or license? If not?

You need to work on all of that then stand back. Still lonely. No joke. No church girl bs. Just being real, you need to get to know jealous. Because I had a spirit of being lonely. But the more I pray, worship and believe. Other then kicking it with the family and a desire to have children of my own. I never get lonely anymore. Sometimes I want some human interaction. When I do? I work! Thats human interaction. Sex?

That’s why God made the humans that got the skills to create sex toys baby!

What you need?

Sex Toy
Fantasy Life
Or if you want to throw something extra out there? Camgirl/Lush and other computer controllable toys. With guys that would love to have some quick fun.

I am not out here looking for a man at the moment. But when one steps to me. I demand that you be prepared to show your worth. Both with money, a personality, great sense of humor and a relationship with God doesn’t hurt either!

Mainly I just wanted to say guys when you come for me. Know what your getting into. Come to help me, don’t come to try and take or think you can Con you way into my life. Because I am a hustler. You can’t hustle a hustler.

That’s my hit for the week everyone! Sorry I haven’t been present but I will get you when I can.

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