It makes me so damn angry how things can turn out. Sometimes in the middle of my work day when I have a quiet moment. It drives me mad, when I think about all of the friendships I’ve had through the years. Seems to have ended right when success comes along for me. Unlike my mom that has her so called friends, family and whatever else around to rob her blind and allow her to give them her last. Its always the opposite for me. No I don’t mean that I want to be robbed blind. God knows! Its just funny how I seem to struggle with someone. I don’t mean struggle with them, as in we are do together. I mean they are there as a listening ear. A motivator. Someone I can talk to in the midnight hour. When I am hurt, confused, don’t know if I am going forward or backward. Basically, I am hurting tired and confused. I know. I mean I already know that I am going to push forward. I am going to get out of the hole I feel like I am in and climb to the top of that mountain. I just need to let everything out. The good, bad an ugly. Vent. Let out what’s all going through my head. What I mean and even things I think about but deep down I don’t really mean.
After all of that. I push, push, push. Make it exactly where I had ever plan of getting to. I turn around and that person that helped me make it through there gone. That person I wanted to break bread with. Enjoy success with. They help me get through the war, but never see the spoils. Because by that time, they just gave up, walked away or disappeared all together like Casper. Funny thing is, is this time when it happened to me. I wasn’t a girlfriend or a boyfriend that I wanted more then a friendship from. It was a friend. At least I thought it was a true friend. I was rooting for this person to be on top. Just like planned to be on top. I did get feedback from that person that they would be willing to help he make one of the best gifts of all that any woman would be overjoyed to have, if she has the mother ticking clock. But over something petty, that person turned there back on me about it. But I still found a way to see this person as being a friend and someone that I could grow with. Still enjoy our success, both together sometimes but mainly apart dancing to beat of our own drum.
Deep down thought my better mind set. My gut. My guts never wrong. I knew that it was all about money for this person. I prayed, and wished and had some faith that for once in my life I would be proven wrong. But once the deal was over. Once I was willing to pay for something that I can’t even use to be true to my word. ( Because I believe that if your name and word isn’t worth much. Neither are you.) That person proved me to be right all along. If I wasn’t prepared for it. I would have hurt me. But instead, it just made me feel that much more stronger that you can’t trust anyone but God anymore. So many people ask me, other then your work. Most are referring to my camming services that I have for the real men that support me, spoil me and are looking for more then a quick one time experience with me. They desire more. Why do allow those men and women and couples get closer to me then a live guy in IRL? Because the funny thing is I can be honestly with these people and I know they will never hurt me. They are honest relationships. We both know your hear for sex. Pleasure. But the fact that you take it a step further and pay $100 per month for anytime any where access to me. Spoil me like a queen. Not to mention that weather its about sex or not. We talk. About anything and everything. Like people not robots. Robots that got to try and find an angle some kind of way to play each other. That is what I need.
Way to sad for me to say that IRL, guys you give real chances too, all turn out to be bullshit. The one I meet when the time is right, that that turns out not to be true. Will be the one that I marry! lol
Moral Of This Story:
When you have a true friend. Don’t try and play them. Hurt them. Do them wrong in anyway. Be honest. Even if it hurts you, or them. Be honest and real. If you are getting intimate with someone. When I say intimate. I don’t mean sex. I mean allow that person to open up to you. Be real with you. Tell you things you know that you should be hearing since you have every intension of playing, using and dropping them. Don’t listen.
Get in get what you want and get out. Because one day when you find out what a damn good friend you pushed away and played. Your dealing with known sense with someone else you really don’t want to deal with. You will know just what a huge mistake that you made.