Giving Up On Family Part 3

All that being said and done. Being my family history and the ending to it. I have my mom. But even if I didn’t. God forbid. I love myself. I love myself enough to know that you deserve more. From anyone. Friends. Family. Your Job. Your Business. Whatever is a top priority in your life. If someone is taking you for granted. Using you. Abusing. Talking out of the side of their face all slick to you. If every time someone calls or text you. You feel sick thinking about what they have to say to you next. Its time to end this game. The party is over. Cut this off, before something reckless happens. Because it can hurt you, mentally, emotionally and physically. Rock you to your very core, and make you ask yourself int he end. How did I get here? How did I allow these people or this person, to get me talking like this. Actually like this. Feeling like this. This cousin I mentioned in part 2. She was poison in my life. I was track doing big things before she came back into my life. Even though I was kind of at my lowest. Changed had hit me and my family back to back before our reconnection. I was still spiritual in a place. I almost fell from because of this person..

Kind of like they call it ” Falling From Grace”. Every time in the three years we talked. God kept saying the same thing when we were on good term ” Light And Talk Can Live In The Same House”. It was only while we talked daily that he’d say this to me. I wondered why. I mean, I knew she wasn’t a good person the way she was living her life. She had a different man in her bed at all times of the day and night that she barely knew. Starting when I began talking to her, her daughter was 6 years old. Yet she had random’s coming in at 2 am. Just because she had a dog. She thought this kind of behavior was normal. One of her quotes to me once was ” I am going to live my young life when I am young. So I won’t be like this old ass women trying to make up for lost times in there 30s, 40s and 50s. “Just because she was a success in college and working that’s all that she felt she needed to do, as a adult. While me, when I got connected with her was attending Church every week. Reading the word of God daily. I was helping with the homeless. I was giving back as much as I took from the world and focused on business and making money. My family fell off when I was 16 years. But we were fighting ourselves back to what we were used to. But just like in the bible we had our 40 years wilderness experience. As of 2013 after a used tragedy, we have slowly but surely fought our way back. Every year things becoming better and better. Yet God made sure, when we connected I was at one of my lowest peaks. He wanted me to see how she’d treat me, when I didn’t have. That’s she wouldn’t be their when it got better. My point to all of this is. Sometimes God takes people out of your life for a reason and a purpose. They could be stunting your blessings. He could be trying to keep that person or those people from taking the good things from you. That bad ass man that’s more rotten then hell it self could be keeping a great man out of your life. Maybe you can get along with this person because they are poison. I was rocked to the core and going through the whole year of 2013. I mean I was flooded out of my home. Which I needed to get out of and that was God’s way of making that happen. Then after the last straw of that cousin throwing my family’s food out, right after a flood, a whole year of not sleeping. I got my GED. Went independent a year later as far as work. Grabbed two college diploma’s and before you know it, I will be placing a down payment and paying off my first home.  I’m a self starter if you didn’t know let me tell you, I am Ms. Handle It! All of that happened because I let go of both sides of where I come from. Because they were cancer that didn’t lift a finger to help. Or lifted a finger to cause more pain. I am holding on to the one good family member I have living. She gets to enjoy the benefits of my labor. Not some rotten, ungrateful rude, disrespectful person that’s walking around with no soul!

Let them go. Cry the tears. The pain and the tears will help you grow and brings in blessings.

Giving Up On Family Part 2

My dads side of the family I never really got to know. I had memories of them from when I was 5 to 8 years old. Other then that I never really saw them. My daddy was a dead beat and none of them ever stepped up to the plate to try and help, change, beat the odds of me having a bad childhood. So when I became 18, rather 19, my mother told me that she’s ran into what used to be my favorite Aunt. She told me my Aunt had told her and gave her what used to be my favorite cousin, actually the big sister I used to look up to. I was working, going through life and circumstances. So when a calm time came along. I gave that cousin a call. I gave her and her daughter a chance. No one else had stepped up. So I decided if I was going to give my mothers crazy, out of control, rude, abusive family a chance all my childhood life.

I had to give at least some of my dads side of the family a chance to see what could happen grow there. My mom was dead against it the whole way. She told me how his family stole from her, dropped there pants and showed her there dicks trying to fuck her when she was younger knowing she was loyal and only loyal to my dad. She was a V when they got together and pretty much until she fell out of love with him he was the only man she’d ever slept with. She told me his brothers had stole money from her. So she pretty much wanted me to leave the whole family alone. But like I said, her family she had me around was bad. The whole time. She never packed me up and left those people completely alone once and for all. So I felt it was only fair to give what used to be my favorite cousin.

The girl I prayed for every year to come back into my life from the age of 8 and the last time we talked on the phone when she was pregnant at 14. Let her and her child into my life. My mind was already made up if they didn’t work out for us I would walk away from it all, from them as well just like I did my mom’s side. Well it didn’t work. She was rude. Disrespectful from day one. To the people that were already in her life, from the first conversation I had with her. I knew from that first moment, I couldn’t trust telling her the truth about much when it came down to my life and my business . What me and my family had. I couldn’t be up front with her about anything. Because anything I opened up to her about, I would hear about it again. So everything we discuss. Was always 50% lie to 50% truth. I wasn’t about to allow her to treat me the same way she did her self and others. I gave her three years off and on. To get it right. Prove that she was someone worthy of being in my world. She failed every test. Including trying to com between me any my mother. My mother, my best friend and in a lot of ways my daughter. Made me know I never wanted her anywhere near my unborn children, or family I am building for myself. Because “ Light and Dark can’t live under the same roof!”.

Stay Focused

Stay focused. Simple enough statement. Doesn’t matter what’s going on in your life or your world. Stay focused and work the problem. Stay focused on one thing at a time. Don’t worry about the things that you cannot change. Work on the things that you can. Everything else will find a way to be solved. Don’t allow your worries, battles, force you to stop. Don’t question yourself. What you are capable of doing. Because you know who you are, what you need, what you want, your deepest desire. Use it! Find that thing that you believe in and make it happen.

Shade

When You Know A Blood Relative Isn’t Your Family

For all of you that don’t know it. I have a live in mother, that has to live with me. But weather it was a mandatory thing or not, we’d still be living together. Having me at 18 years old. We practically grew together. My mom is a very generous and forgiving soul. She’s done so much for us, her family, anyone she deems a friend. Or if she just see’s someone hungry, homeless or cold, she will go out of her way to help. That’s just the type of woman she’s always and will always be. That being said. She’s giving thousands of dollar worth of stuff to her family over the years. Blessed them when she didn’t have too. Especially when they have done her wrong. Turned there backs on her when she was in need of shelter, food. Whatever. Once she got back on top. On her feet, they were right back to smiling in her face. Times when her oldest sister and her family were without. My mother had taken food from our refrigerator an cabinets to feed them. Brought school clothes she found on sell and she simply wanted to help out her sister by getting them so she could give her her money back. Only for her sister to claim she couldn’t afford $2.00 for each pair of jeans my mother had brought, stole one pair and gave the rest back like nothing had ever happened. My mom had been disrespected by her family. Her mother, her brother in law. Him making sexual advances to her. Putting his nasty penis on her feet. That’s not even the tip of the ice berg. My mother had been damn good to get family, when they have done nothing but taken, taken and taken and stolen from her. Refuse to help her in anyway unless it benefits them.

I am saying all of this because right now I am mad as hell and its taking everything in me not to implode and explode. My mothers nephew gets dropped off here like he’s a piece of trash that they can’t get rid of fast enough weekly. With no food, or drink in hand. Its been happening every since, not long after we moved here. He comes here wastes food and drink. Runs his mouth and gets completely out of hand. My mothers, sisters kid. The other one recently touched my mother in an incest way. Which made her banned him from coming anywhere near her. All of that, and all and so much more that I don’t have time to write about at the moment. And all I have ringing in my ears is my mother telling me that a message was sent to her from her sister, that “ If she doesn’t respect my husband and my husband put the brand new tires on my car, then she can’t ride in my car any more!” All the food my mother had brought over to her home over the past 30 something years. All of the free lunches my mother brought by this tricks job for them to sit down and break bread together.

All the Christmas, thanksgiving, birthday, 4th of July my mother has given this woman. All that she has done for that whole ungrateful family. There father just past away. The inheritance that was left for all of them, my mother being the only left out of what was rightfully hers, her birth right. That’s how they treat her. Its laughable. But the at the end of the day the joke is really on them. The Father said, “ Do no touch my anointed and do my prophets no harm. So weather these people know it or not. I am going to take this woman, my mother away from them all together. We are going to move away from this place once and for good. If I have something to do with it, neither one of us will darken the roads of this city again once we are gone. Whatever hell they have planned for us will come back on them times three and the hell they didn’t bargain for will get them as well. But me and mine are out of here. I vow once I get us out of here she will never have to shed another tear because of something disrespectful that any of her family had to say to her. When her sister gets knocked the hell out by her husband that brought the tires on her car one to many times and kills her, there no need of anyone calling or trying to call us for her funeral, because it want be happening. What goes around, comes around…