Dark Love

I almost lost myself to some of the darkest love ever once. I was 16 years old when I met this man. He was 30 years old. We stayed together for three years. Off and on. Until I realized that he was never going to change and always was. Growing up nicely. Advanced and always on a mission. There was almost nothing that I wouldn’t do for that man. But one word is said in a fit of anger proved to me that his so called love was just a cloud of bullshit that I had been inhaling for along time. I was willing to go to the ends of the earth for that man. Over a cliff. Thank God I didn’t and I woke up to the Hazelnut coffee just in time. I almost lost myself. I mean the love for me was stronger then the love for him. Which is why I was willing to stop before I tipped over. But the point is even after we were done. Over. I knew that I still loved him. God knows I did all that I could to try and hate him. But it didn’t and wouldn’t work. Even now, I still have some love for this man in my heart. I am no longer in love with him. Honestly I may never love a man like that again. I love God. My bond with my savior is now stronger then its ever been. But my first love did a lot for me. He made me love myself self. Made me look a in a mirror I’d long since discarded because of the sins of my dad, and the burdens I’ve had to endure from my moms family and the lack there of my dads family. I have had a very long and hard life. I am not complaining simply testifying. Moral of this story, some of the hardest and darkest love can try and pull you down. Yet you can rise to the top and figure things out. You can come back from it. You can find a way to still love back into your life. Not necessarily love from another person. Love for yourself. Find things about yourself, that you love. Care about. Your looks. How you think. How you feel.  What you like to do. And believe in you.



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